terrorists, whatever!

Just when things are moving along nicely wouldn’t you know, somebody’s gotta be a wise guy.
i just walked in the door after sleeping in the nip garden— i mean, a hard day’s work— to hear from Miss Arlo that the art farm has been threatened by Librarian terrorists. Remember, Miss Arlo is elderly (bless her heart), ‘nuff said.  Presently, there is no cause for alarm, and rest assured that a thorough investigation is underway.

Chez Monkay's first Non-Line Store!

I’ve gotten everything in place, and everyone assigned to tasks on the farm, so now it was time to GO OUT THERE. Having an online store is all well and good, but (and this might be my stray-cat roots) I knew it was time to take it to the streets. Realizing the importance of this move, careful analysis was given to the style of art currently being created at the farm, and where it might best fit in. Months later, and the entire 50 grand R&D budget exhausted, the decision was made to send the human out with a pile of stuff in the backseat of her honda to a tattoo parlor.
hey, guess what? success! 50 grand well spent!
starting NOW, Chez Monkay products are available in Asheville, North Carolina at 5 Miller Lane #1 (that’s right there on Hendersonville Highway and Long Shoals, up there on the east hill)

Sneak Preview of Heretofore Unoffered For Sale Art Piece from Chez Monkay!
The human continues her interpretive dance on the grave of PRINT. She has taken to rescuing crumbling paperback novels from thrift stores (the place reeks of processed wood pulp and ink as a result).
I am actually quite proud of her for not falling apart on the grave on PRINT, I mean it could have just as well went that way. She could have thrown herself on the casket and wailed like a banshee, but no!
Here’s something she created with the text from Edgar Allen Poe’s The Gold Bug.
Maybe we should talk about that. Or maybe not, now that I think about it, I don’t have that much to say about Poe. I find birds interesting, so that Raven thing was okay by me, but otherwise I don’t have a whole lot to contribute.
Back to this art piece. It’s not listed in the store right now or anywhere. Mac (from Marketing) tells me it will only be available locally. It would be a shipping problem because it’s around 3 feet long. He alludes to available local walls but get snippy when pressed for details. Damn, that terrier personality is difficult for me to contend with! I can only guess he’s got deals not finalized.
...sorry, I did not mean to vent about interoffice interactions. Call that a sneak preview too!

Chez Monkay employs the elderly!
Meet our recently appointed Office Receptionist, Miss Arlo LittleCheese. She hails from my alma mater, the County Pound, class of 2004. Her actual age is unknown, and she’s not telling!
As Office Receptionist, Miss Arlo greets and herds all visitors at the Chez Monkay Art Farm. See her for discount season passes and group rates for guided tours!

Dealing with givens
Given that givens are all that we’ve got,
I’m playing the hand I’ve been dealt in this lot:
3 primates, 2 canines, and the deceased estate of Print
Now we’ll see how a CAT handles this predicament!

Forgive me for waxing poetic, I get that way under pressure. Who would have thought that organizing a business would be so complicated? I have all the resources I need, my only task is to harness them and cause them to work for the common good. Sounds easy enough, doesn’t it? Sure, until I look at what I’ve been given!

That damn terrier. He keeps snipping at me. Look at him, he’s got such an attitude!
I know one day he will be my best ally, but right now he is my most biggest problem.
His name is Mac. He came here from rescue shelter (that’s a step up from the County Pound, my alma mater) just a few months ago. He never lived on the streets (as I did) and spent only a few days in the shelter, so in my opinion he’s got little experience with physical hardships. That is to say, he doesn’t appear to have missed a meal, and those meals were always served in a clean bowl at appropriate times. And his paws! Soft like they never spent any time outside!
I do not discount his emotional hardships, however. He was “owner relinquished” at the shelter. That’s gotta be difficult. His human was a good one, but not a healthy one, and the day came when adequate care could no longer be offered. Mac is a victim of circumstance. I try to remember that, it keeps me from landing a pawful of claws on his nose!
He’s got some strong qualities. His energy level is far beyond that of mortal men, and he can be sweet and charming one moment and snarling and vicious the next. I think he would excel as Sales Manager in this organization.

Human and Canine Husbandry
I’m doing my best to manage since taking over all affairs here at the Monkay House, en français Chez Monkay, c’est difficle, n’est-ce pas?
right.
I’ve sent my human to work outside in the shed, in full sight of my nip patch, where I can easily keep watch on her. However, there are other animals in my care, 2 other humans of my own human’s litter (what an appropriate word!), and 2 canines! I’m managing a farm of pack animals. I don’t know how much control I have over the others, but I need to get some kind of output from them. Or I may need to order some more pack animals online. This is a new experience for me, I’m playing it by ear. I have learned this:
Humans and dogs (pack animals) respond well to clear direction, they actually WANT to work for you! (I mean really, from a cat’s perspective, that’s a laughable state of mind, but okay whatever.)
It stands to reason that pack animals have a cooperative spirit, otherwise they wouldn’t be pack animals. Bless their hearts, they’ll do just about anything if you say it like we’re on the same side, from “fetch this stick I’m going to throw for no reason” to “make us a sandwich.”
I think about these things now that I have taken control.
So now I think like a farmer; I suppose that’s what I am.  And if that’s what I am, then I’m thinking about how best to manage these animals. For now the farm is small. Resources dictate that I must deal with what I’ve got right now. Which isn’t too bad.  There’s some interesting colors in the box. My human is a mixed breed, she looks mainly Pole, mixed with probably German.  The others are mixed with Pacific Islander, English, Corgi, and Jack Russel. I am in no way ready to tackle all that, for now I’m dealing with my Polish German mix.
Maybe the Jack Russel would be easier...

I was born in July of 1999.  My kittenhood was, let’s just say, a little rough. By the time I was 3 months old I was behind bars in the county pound, with a few scrapes and bruises.  During my incarceration I had plenty of time to reflect upon the path my young life had taken. I was at rock bottom, in a cage, surrounded by others in cages, in a horrible cement and cinderblock place that reeked of fear and disinfectant.
How could this have happened to  me? I don’t mean to sound elitist, I know it sounds that way. But what would you think if you saw that you were the only one with opposable thumbs, not to mention the two different colored eyes? I was an outcast among the outcasts, an outlaw among the outlaws. I’d been thrown into the barrel of Not With The Program, and even there, I was odd man out.  That really got to me, I have to tell you.
And then, in those desperate hours in the cage, i realized i could cast out a spell and reel in my future! Believe me or not, I threw it out there for what I wanted. A quiet human, a 100 year old farmhouse with big sunny windows, plenty of nip, freedom to walk on countertops, tables, or anywhere else I pleased, plus a big yard with a garden and interesting wildlife of rabbits birds squirrels and possums. Oh, and a dryer on a sunporch, if it’s not too much trouble. No sooner did I request this than my human appeared! I raised my paw when she entered the room of cages, I was afraid for a moment that she might look at someone else! She saw my paw, and it was a done-deal. She said, “Extra toes! Me, too!”   What a match! We were both decimal system renegades!
She paid my bail and took me home (after a surgery I had to undergo before my release. I don’t remember much of it, but I was counseled later about not being tempted to spray window screens or chase after calico hoes on the streetcorner -- as if!). All I know is that it was the final inflicted pain from that old life that was going nowhere.
Home at last, perched on the window sill, leaning on a screen that I can’t for the life of me imagine why I would want to spray, I saw those calico hoes on the corner. Sure enough, I didn’t want to chase them, they were nasty, although I did notice the tomcats who flocked around them, looking all lonesome and broke (biker-chain wallets and cigarette smoke).
Not me. I was sitting pretty, and I stayed that way for years. The human supplied me well, I thought it would go on forever.
I should have seen it coming, but I had lived with humans for so long that I’m afraid I adopted their way of ignoring reality. Looking back, that’s so easy to see.
Remember, I got my human in the 1990s. What kind of a human did I get? Okay, I got a “graphic designer” who specialized in PRINT. Sure, laugh now, but back in the 1990s, PRINT was actually a lucrative thing. It didn’t matter if it was good or bad, just print it, and money showed up. Hey, who was I to go rocking the boat with predictions? The nip came in, the heat came on, the treats flowed freely.
and then it started to slow down.  PRINT was dead, at long last. hell of a run, from Gutenberg (1450!) to now, but damn, here I am in NOW, 562 years later. Excuse me, I was banking on it being good for at least 575 if not 600, but damn oh well guess not, and now I’ve got this obsolete human with all the marketable skills of a blacksmith!
Well, then.
What to do?  I sat down with my now unemployable 50-something year old human, finally, and said, “You need a job? I’ll give you a job!”  I walked angrily across the bookshelves, throwing volumes to the floor. Then I I tossed out boxes from under the bed, spilling beads and bangles and bottles of color at her feet.  “Consider yourself hired!” I told her, “You work for me, this is my farm, and your first task is to pick up the pieces!”  Oh, yes, it was a regular hissy fit, but it all settled down and now I am in charge, the human works for me, please buy the things she makes because I really dig living here in my Monkey House with the big sunny windows. 
Please also know that I am a good and fair CEO, I assure you that my human is treated most humanely, uncaged, with free run of the house and access to all furniture.
Know too that I have read volumes and understand a thing or two about motivational psychology. All I had to do was to state the obvious, and that caused the human to produce items for sale in my shop. Really, all I said was this:
“We’ve been living off Print all our lives and now Print is dead. How do you feel about that?”
Of course my human, incapable of speaking directly in cat language, began an interpretive dance resulting in actual pieces of visual art (as she is wont to do) and that’s how we’re fueling the shop with items.
Please visit the shop at www.etsy.com/shop/ChezMonkay